#31: using info like eharmony

This is a postmodern world we live in, people. This is not your grandmother’s Ouachita. You won’t find us scurrying to our females-only tennis class wearing raincoats to cover up our shorty-short skirts. You won’t find us rendezvousing at the sidewalk during the designated hours for co-ed bonding. And you will certainly not find us answering telegraph invitations to go out for a coke on a Saturday night.

Community at OBU looks different than it did fifty years ago. I know this may come as a shock to you, fellow Ouachitonian. You probably, like me, were under the misconception that the past 100 years were utterly static. But let’s face reality, friends. The world is changing, and so must we.

And we have.

The area of Ouachitonian lives where this change seems most obvious is in the field of cross-gender relations, i.e. dating, engagement, and marriage.

Just in case you were unclear about that fine print section on your degree plan, be aware that these three experiences are prerequisites for you taking that ol' leisurely stroll in mid-May across the graduation stage and maneuvering that handshake-diploma-hand-off with Dr. Rex Horne. And just so we’re all on the same page here, these steps should preferably be taken in the order listed above. (Sometimes Ouachitonians get fuzzy on this issue. Not to worry. Many are here to counsel you and walk you through the process. Please consult your advisor or RA).

I know that these three tasks may seem daunting. But, not to fear, I am here to inform you that Ouachita has conveniently equipped you with all the necessary skills you need to date, engage, and be married. Where those we now dub Golden Tigers may have required intentional methods like a face-to-face conversation to figure out who that cute girl in Fine Art Theater was and whether she was available to be telegraphed for that coke, we 21^st century Ouachitonians have more convenient and technologically savvy methods.

I would like to now introduce you to Ouachita’s very own version of EHarmony:
INFO
It’s like facebook had a baby with christianmingles.com, except that baby is exponentially more talented and beautiful than either of its parents.

“How,” might you ask, “is INFO the best method for Ringing by Springing it?” Let me count the ways…

1.) Geographic Relevance.

Whilst facebook creeping an acquaintance, have you ever found your eyes wandering over to his/her friends column and landing on a particularly aesthetically pleasing individual? When clicking on said individual’s profile have you been heartbroken to discover that said individual lives in Milwalkee? Well wipe those tears away, my friend. When INFO creeping, you will never again find yourself geographically isolated from that potential someone…unless, of course, you dub the walk to the Village too strenuous.

2.)Personal Details

Will Christianmingles.com inform you of that potential someone’s major and classification? I think not! (Ok, maybe it will. I’m not really sure. I have always chosen the supremacy of INFO for all my dating, engagement, and marriage endeavors). No matter. Either way, how will you know if that easy-on-the-eyes female’s interests are truly compatible with yours? How can you anticipate her dietetics major rendering her totally uninterested as you chart the rise and fall of the Roman Empire on your first date? How are you ever to save yourself both the humiliation and wasted carbon dioxide if not to INFO stalk her first?

3.) Photograph

Perhaps 100% of Eharmony users are indeed body-builders and marathon runners. However, if you, like me, are a skeptic and find yourself doubting the legitimacy of that person’s profile pic, doubt no more. Not only are the photographs on INFO not photo-shopped or cut and pasted, they are taken in the not-so-stylistic-high-point of one’s life. AKA: freshman year. And just in case you still distrust that INFO picture, rest assured that Ms. Sandy can verify its authenticity.

I wish you the best, my Ouachitonian friend, in all of your dating and mating. If you find yourself spring semester, still unhitched, don’t blame me or Ouachita. We did the best we could to help you find that special someone.

**The inspiration for today's post came from the one, the only, the Adam 'A-Hud' Hudson. (Be sure to ask him for a personal testimony about how INFO has changed the course of his life.)