Just got engaged? Looking for some awesome pics for those wedding invitations? Luckily for you, there are about 450 up and coming photographers wandering around campus just waiting to take you to a field where they will reveal the magic that is your young love via 22.5 megapixels.
Want to capture your college friendships on film for facebook? Why settle for an awkward let-me-try-to-hold-the-camera-and-get-us-both-in-the-picture-without-making-it-look-like-my-arm-is-connected-to-my-face shot at a football game, when instead, you could grab that Canon EOS Digital Rebel-carrying chum currently walking down an OBU sidewalk with his tripod and flash in tow. He'll take you down to the railroad tracks with 50 of your closest friends where you'll show off your fiery eyes and all those modeling poses you've been secretly doing in front of your mirror for years.
And as any true Ouachitonian knows, you cannot truly consider that mission trip you took over the summer a success unless you have Kodak-momented in HD those little Ethiopian kids to whom you gave food, water and Bibles.
Unfortunately though, there are some on campus who have not shelled out the buckaroos or extra elective hours needed to join the Perhaps-I'll-Ditch-My-Biology-Degree-and-Pursue-a Freelance-Photography-Career Club. Not to fear! If you are in the marginalized 3% who (gasp!) only use the manual settings on their non-SLRs and can't even remember the brand name, there are a variety of ways to cover up your lack of photography skillz. Soon, you will be able to go back to putting your family photos on facebook without shame if only you follow these simple do's and don'ts...
Do: Cutting off part of the person you're photographing: i.e. head, half of profile, everything but the feet, etc. Nothing says "cliche" like including an entire body in a shot.
Don't: Poses. Candid all the way, baby.
Do: Throwing in an inanimate object that had no apparent relevance to the subject. Your pics will be so epic in all of their postmodern glory.
Don't: Including babies. Babies are so 1995. Unless that baby looks especially sad or has half of his face missing or is from another country or is wearing an "Invisible Children" onesie or serves a symbolic purpose in your photo's message, ditch that little son of a gun.
Do: Rocking the black and white option. Black and White makes everything look at least 50% more artsy.
Don't: Family beach pictures. Need I say more?
You are one funny girl, Jessica! I was at OBU with your parents and remember meeting you when you were just a tiny babe. Tell them I said hi, by the way.
ReplyDeleteLOVE the family beach pictures......denim and khaki and barefooted.
This is hillarious. You are keeping me a true Ouachitonian at heart Schleiff.
ReplyDeleteLoving it ...all the way in Korea.