#21: tiger tunes

Friend 1: "Hey girl, wanna get dinner together tonight around 6?"
Tuneser: "No, girl. You know I've got Tunes. I haven't eaten dinner in 4 weeks. Duh."

Friend 2: "Hey, hey! How's it going? So I have been doing a lot of research, and I think I have finally found a cure for cancer. If you come and look at some lab results with me tonight, I will totally share my Nobel Prize with you."
Tuneser: "Sorry. I have Tunes. Priorities, you know?"

Friend 3: "Hey, how are you? Hey, I really need help your help. There's a family of 12 over on 17th street whose dad is in jail and whose mom just got hit by a bus. Can you come help babysit and bring them food with me tonight? I'm just not sure how much longer the little ones are going to make it. Winter is coming, you know."
Tuneser: "Hello-oh! Tiger Tunes practice! You know I don't have time for frivolities like that."

As many a Ouachitonian knows, Tiger Tunes is not just a cute show for Homecoming and Scholarship Raising. Tunes. Is. Life. Though some may claim that tunesers commit 80+ hours over a period of 5 weeks all in the name of fun, if one were to spend that same amount of time with an individual, they would not be just friends. They would be changing that facebook relationship status, son! Despite what Tunes participants may try to tell you, don't be deceived. It is not an open relationship. They are not seeing other people. Move aside, Other Friendships. Move aside, Homework. Move aside, Community Service. Move aside, Healthy-Relationship-with-Parents. Tiger Tunes is coming through.

Now given the level of time commitment necessary to be a Tunes participant, some might ask why any self-respecting student would subject him or herself to so many hours of song-and-dance boot camp. Well sure, there are a variety of reasons. Some claim it is all in the name of community building--for making new friends, having fun, and growing together. For some, it is a chance to live out childhood fantasies in a socially acceptable context (cough, cough, Eta Star Wars show). For freshman boys, it is a chance to show off their fun personalities, moves, and harmonizing skillz to both freshman AND upperclassmen ladies. (And indeed, many a new relationship has bloomed as tunesing co-eds tiger-tunes-run it off the stage, side by side, hand in hand, and heart in heart). For other boys, Tiger Tunes offers a chance to finally rock those tights and makeup they've always wanted to try without the resulting white-faced dads and weeping moms. And finally, others just can't afford that club fine.

However, we all secretly know why that cm prisoner will willingly undergo 400 run-throughs of the same contagion night after night after night, and why even the sweetest Tri Chi White House secretary will deck her sister when she misses that harmony part in "Eye of the Tiger" for the 3rd time in a row, and why the men of Beta Beta will kind of sort have a late-nighter. They all have a similar ambition: to beat the heck out of those blasted Kappa Chi's.

Through the years, several clubs have taken their turn in the winner's circle, and almost all have gotten to revel in the year long glory of sitting on the Tiger Tunes Champion's Throne (our hearts go out to you, Pi Kappa Zeta). However, in the past few years, one club has risen above the others, making the "only-professional-ballerinas-can-bend-like-this" moves of the Chi Delta's seem amateur and making those 8-part EEE harmonies sound like something performed by Vacation Bible School children. When the men of Kappa Chi busted out that synchronized helmet light show in 2008, things got serious. Things got real. Things got personal. From that point on, the Kappas could officially consider themselves ENEMY NUMBER 1.

So I ask you, non-Kappa-tunesers, what will you bring to the table to top them this year? Live Animals? Rings of fire? Soul? All I know is that it best be good. And I for one look forward to sitting back and watching--safely from my mezzanine seat--the emotions, the drama, the sweat, and the tears that are sure to commence come Thursday night.