by Elizabeth Hammons
"Oh, sorry, I can't go to Chic with you. I'm going over to the (fill in the blank) house to watch wrestling. Yeah, I just can't get enough of it! Plus, those guys are like, my best friends. I just baked two dozen cookies from scratch just in case the boys get hungry. I mean, I'm over at "the house" so much, I should practically move in. They all think so! That reminds me, are you going to the serenade tomorrow night? It's going to be amazing. If you want to make posters for some of the guys, just stop by my room. I'll be putting the finishing touches on all of mine. No big deal, I'm just making each member and pledge a poster with his name spelled in glitter. I need to charge my camera battery tonight; gotta make sure I get a picture of every song at every dorm! Oh, you only go to the serenade at your dorm? That's...nice. Have you heard what they're doing for Tunes? It's going to be really funny. I mean, it's so good I hope they beat my club. JK!"
"Yeah, bro, I'm totally up for lunch at the caf. I just want to say hi to a couple of my friends over at the (fill in the blank) table. Oh no, they want me to stay and eat with them. Is that cool? They need my opinion on the shirts for the crush dance. Did you get invited? Don't sweat it. I'm sure your invite is in the mail. They just gave me one in person last night while I was helping move their giant wooden letters off the football field. I'm totally psyched about the outing. I can tell one of their pledges to ask you if you really want to go; they owe me since I was in their date auction. I'll bring it up when I go to their carwash today. Autozone, 12-5, be there! I've got to drop these letters in the mail before I go. It's nothing. I just wrote a letter to each one of their pledges, telling her she chose an amazing club. No reason, I just wanted to give them a little encouragement. Oh yeah, I can't make the intramural game today because I've got to coach their football team, then I promised the girls I'd help set up for the mixer. I don't know what time the "rest" of you are supposed to be there. Check my wall-to-wall with the social chairs."
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
#18: sidewalk creepin'
Scene:
You're walking to class. You must choose the most apt sidewalk for getting there. There are a variety of variables playing into your decision-making process: which sidewalk has the least number of awkward turns? Which has the best as-the-crow-flies efficiency potential? Which is not currently being watered by the sprinklers? Who would you rather see on your journey--music majors or business majors? Which sidewalk has the least number of bikers/baby strollers/razor scooters? All of the factors above make the sidewalk-decision-making process rather complex. However, you are not to be foiled by mere obstacles. You are a college student and daily have to make far more life-altering decisions than the one presently at hand, such as "which laundry detergent shall I buy from Walmart?" and "v-neck or crew-neck?" Thus, using your physical science skillz and your instincts for self-preservation, you choose the ideal path and proceed to follow it accordingly. You stroll down through the middle of the Flag Plaza, step over some we're-seriously-just-friends-even-though-we-like-to-cuddle-when-we-study co-eds, barely scrape through a life-threatening encounter with a razor scooter, and happily walk toward the student center.
But wait. You are not home free yet.
You suddenly spot a fellow side-walk stroller approximately 20 meters directly in front of you, and alas! his velocity is greatly lower than yours with an acceleration rate of 0 meters per second squared. "Blast!" you think to yourself. You were so close to reaching Evans with little to no harm to your person or your rep.
What are you to do? Already, the distance between yourself and said stroller has shrunk to 10 meters, and the gap is closing by the millisecond. Soon, you will have to pass your fellow walker, and everyone knows that the width of OBU sidewalks makes this feat impossible to accomplish with poise. I mean, you're not on I-30 here. What kind of subliminal messages will you be sending to your sidewalk friend? The way I see it, you now have several options...
stop, drop, and study:
Every little bit of time helps, my friend, and now is an ideal opportunity to snatch a couple of extra minutes of review over those Baptist Heritage notes. Grab some pavement, get cozy, and enjoy 120 extra seconds of learning. By the time you resume your journey, not only will you have allowed your fellow traveler the optimum time he needed to exit your path, but you will have also increased your chances of passing your class by .007%.
run like the wind, bullseye!:
Your sidewalk buddy doesn't have to know that there is no real emergency. For all he knows, you are in fact Clark Kent, rushing to the rescue of an elderly lady who has just fallen down the stairs on her way to the mail boxes. Sprint like there's no tomorrow, friend. And don't look back until you have long-cleared your slow-poke peer and reached your destination.
find a friend:
Heavens knows you have already guns-thumbs-upped/winked at/"hey"-ed to 90+ people in transit, so quickly finding a friend to help you thwart some awkward, sidewalk passing should be no prob. Turn that smile and nod into a full on convo, and let that fellow stroller ahead receive the ample time he needs to reach his endpoint unabated.
make a new friend:
Embrace the awkwardness. Accept the fact that at some point soon in time, you and the stranger ahead will be walking parallel to one another. Resist the urge in the moment to pretend like it isn't happening. Instead, use this as an opportunity for some community-building. When you begin to overtake him, grab his hand, look him into the eyes, introduce yourself and--if time allows--share your entire testimony. You never know where this new relationship may lead. Perhaps this will be the start of a beautiful, life-long friendship. Or, if he's a hottie, (and(preferably) if you're a lady), this could in fact be where the magic begins.
You're walking to class. You must choose the most apt sidewalk for getting there. There are a variety of variables playing into your decision-making process: which sidewalk has the least number of awkward turns? Which has the best as-the-crow-flies efficiency potential? Which is not currently being watered by the sprinklers? Who would you rather see on your journey--music majors or business majors? Which sidewalk has the least number of bikers/baby strollers/razor scooters? All of the factors above make the sidewalk-decision-making process rather complex. However, you are not to be foiled by mere obstacles. You are a college student and daily have to make far more life-altering decisions than the one presently at hand, such as "which laundry detergent shall I buy from Walmart?" and "v-neck or crew-neck?" Thus, using your physical science skillz and your instincts for self-preservation, you choose the ideal path and proceed to follow it accordingly. You stroll down through the middle of the Flag Plaza, step over some we're-seriously-just-friends-even-though-we-like-to-cuddle-when-we-study co-eds, barely scrape through a life-threatening encounter with a razor scooter, and happily walk toward the student center.
But wait. You are not home free yet.
You suddenly spot a fellow side-walk stroller approximately 20 meters directly in front of you, and alas! his velocity is greatly lower than yours with an acceleration rate of 0 meters per second squared. "Blast!" you think to yourself. You were so close to reaching Evans with little to no harm to your person or your rep.
What are you to do? Already, the distance between yourself and said stroller has shrunk to 10 meters, and the gap is closing by the millisecond. Soon, you will have to pass your fellow walker, and everyone knows that the width of OBU sidewalks makes this feat impossible to accomplish with poise. I mean, you're not on I-30 here. What kind of subliminal messages will you be sending to your sidewalk friend? The way I see it, you now have several options...
stop, drop, and study:
Every little bit of time helps, my friend, and now is an ideal opportunity to snatch a couple of extra minutes of review over those Baptist Heritage notes. Grab some pavement, get cozy, and enjoy 120 extra seconds of learning. By the time you resume your journey, not only will you have allowed your fellow traveler the optimum time he needed to exit your path, but you will have also increased your chances of passing your class by .007%.
run like the wind, bullseye!:
Your sidewalk buddy doesn't have to know that there is no real emergency. For all he knows, you are in fact Clark Kent, rushing to the rescue of an elderly lady who has just fallen down the stairs on her way to the mail boxes. Sprint like there's no tomorrow, friend. And don't look back until you have long-cleared your slow-poke peer and reached your destination.
find a friend:
Heavens knows you have already guns-thumbs-upped/winked at/"hey"-ed to 90+ people in transit, so quickly finding a friend to help you thwart some awkward, sidewalk passing should be no prob. Turn that smile and nod into a full on convo, and let that fellow stroller ahead receive the ample time he needs to reach his endpoint unabated.
make a new friend:
Embrace the awkwardness. Accept the fact that at some point soon in time, you and the stranger ahead will be walking parallel to one another. Resist the urge in the moment to pretend like it isn't happening. Instead, use this as an opportunity for some community-building. When you begin to overtake him, grab his hand, look him into the eyes, introduce yourself and--if time allows--share your entire testimony. You never know where this new relationship may lead. Perhaps this will be the start of a beautiful, life-long friendship. Or, if he's a hottie, (and(preferably) if you're a lady), this could in fact be where the magic begins.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
#17: humoring music majors
"O-o-o-ooooooooooooooooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping o'er the...wait, I'm sorry. Am I bothering you? I was just trying to warm up a little before my 9:00AM voice lesson. I am so embarrassed. I know we're in the library, but all the practice rooms were full, and the acoustics are simply unbeatable up in here. Seriously, though, I am stopping now...
hmmm--hmmmmmmm--do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti...oh gosh, there I go again. It's just that singing is so second nature to me that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Well, while I've got you here, though, could I sing through one of my arias quickly for you? I am just wondering if when I sing "Per la glo-o-o-ria" if I should trill the "la" or the "voglio-a." This whole line-coloring thing is such a delicate art. I need lots of insight into what is most pleasing to the human ear. I am having my junior recital tonight, and I want it to be absolutely peeerrrr-feeecct! Are you coming? Did you get Dr. Secrest's email about it? Oh, you got all five emails?--that is just wonderful. Can't wait to see you there.
What are you studying for there, friend? Fine Art Music?! Well it's your lucky day! I had two semesters of Music Lit--it's like FA Music but the non-pansy version--and I would LOVE to answer any questions you may have. I see you're studying Vivaldi? OMG love him! He wrote...oh...what was it called? Oh yeah, Violin Concerto in E minor, Opus 64. Love that jam! I can't play the violin, but I can definitely sing that tune for you...oh, you'd rather just listen to it on your I-Pod? Well, maybe another time.
So, what other classes are you taking this semester? Discreet Math? Oh, that's nice. I am so jealous. I miss the days of easy classes like that, when I could spend my afternoons chillin' on the lawn and my nights hanging out with friends at Taco Bell. Oh yeah, that's right. I never had free time. My advisor threw me into 26 hours a week from the get-go. Well, it must be nice to be you. Think of me when you're doing a CDA tonight. I'll be at opera rehearsal until tomorrow morning. Oh, and you're taking French, too? It must be such a blessing to only have to speak French. Try singing in French, now that's fun. I'd like to see you elide that "vous" into that "aimerai" while holding a high C.
Oh, there I go complaining again, as if I didn't absolutely love my life! I mean, it's like I have a 24/7 movie soundtrack rolling behind me as I go throughout each day, except not only do I pick the music, I make it too! I wish you could experience the joy that music brings to my soul even as I spend many sleepless nights imprisoned on the 3rd and 4th floors of Maybee Fine Arts, struggling to figure out why Dr. Houlihan keeps failing me for transitioning a III chord to a ii...or crying my eyes out week after week after piano lessons...or still, even in March, struggling to extract "Christmas Is the Best Time of the Year" from my brain. It's so worth it, though. It's like my life is always alive with the sound of music. Hey, that's catchy: "my life is alive with the sound of music." That reminds me of a song, and my heart wants to sing every song it hears.
Cue Maestro...
**The idea for today's SOL was submitted by Terese Cox. Thanks, Terese. You're a pal. :)
hmmm--hmmmmmmm--do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti...oh gosh, there I go again. It's just that singing is so second nature to me that I don't even realize I'm doing it. Well, while I've got you here, though, could I sing through one of my arias quickly for you? I am just wondering if when I sing "Per la glo-o-o-ria" if I should trill the "la" or the "voglio-a." This whole line-coloring thing is such a delicate art. I need lots of insight into what is most pleasing to the human ear. I am having my junior recital tonight, and I want it to be absolutely peeerrrr-feeecct! Are you coming? Did you get Dr. Secrest's email about it? Oh, you got all five emails?--that is just wonderful. Can't wait to see you there.
What are you studying for there, friend? Fine Art Music?! Well it's your lucky day! I had two semesters of Music Lit--it's like FA Music but the non-pansy version--and I would LOVE to answer any questions you may have. I see you're studying Vivaldi? OMG love him! He wrote...oh...what was it called? Oh yeah, Violin Concerto in E minor, Opus 64. Love that jam! I can't play the violin, but I can definitely sing that tune for you...oh, you'd rather just listen to it on your I-Pod? Well, maybe another time.
So, what other classes are you taking this semester? Discreet Math? Oh, that's nice. I am so jealous. I miss the days of easy classes like that, when I could spend my afternoons chillin' on the lawn and my nights hanging out with friends at Taco Bell. Oh yeah, that's right. I never had free time. My advisor threw me into 26 hours a week from the get-go. Well, it must be nice to be you. Think of me when you're doing a CDA tonight. I'll be at opera rehearsal until tomorrow morning. Oh, and you're taking French, too? It must be such a blessing to only have to speak French. Try singing in French, now that's fun. I'd like to see you elide that "vous" into that "aimerai" while holding a high C.
Oh, there I go complaining again, as if I didn't absolutely love my life! I mean, it's like I have a 24/7 movie soundtrack rolling behind me as I go throughout each day, except not only do I pick the music, I make it too! I wish you could experience the joy that music brings to my soul even as I spend many sleepless nights imprisoned on the 3rd and 4th floors of Maybee Fine Arts, struggling to figure out why Dr. Houlihan keeps failing me for transitioning a III chord to a ii...or crying my eyes out week after week after piano lessons...or still, even in March, struggling to extract "Christmas Is the Best Time of the Year" from my brain. It's so worth it, though. It's like my life is always alive with the sound of music. Hey, that's catchy: "my life is alive with the sound of music." That reminds me of a song, and my heart wants to sing every song it hears.
Cue Maestro...
**The idea for today's SOL was submitted by Terese Cox. Thanks, Terese. You're a pal. :)
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
#16: going green
Dear David Owens,
You are a man of mystery. I have never seen you, but I know you exist. I see evidence of your presence at Ouachita in the blue bag currently residing on my dorm room floor and in the monthly all student emails you send me, reminding me to turn off my printer at night. I especially appreciated it when you came clean last year about not turning off your own office printer at night. Your confidence to confess your earth-unfriendly behavior to all of OBU was really inspiring to me. Not only do you inspire me, but you have become like my very own Jiminy Cricket for recycling. Before you electronically entered my life, I walked the non-narrow path filled with Styrofoam cups and paper napkins. I would even throw away extraneous mass mail into the (gasp!) trash can. I know, I know. It was a dark time in my life. But now, thanks to you, I have seen the Ozone-unprotected light! Hi, my name is Jessica Schleiff, and I have been earth-hating-behavior free for 11 months and 10 days now. I started my go-green conversion with baby steps--going "light green" as John Mayer would say. First came the minor life-change of throwing my water bottles into the plastics bin. Then, gradually I realized that if I truly cared about being a good steward of God's creation, I would not be drinking out of water bottles at all! For the love! How could I be so blind? I'll have you know that I can count the number of water bottles I have used since that day of epiphany on one hand--and those I only accepted out of politeness to the well-intentioned but misguided friends who purchased them for me.
Unfortunately, Walmart is currently out of Camelbaks, though, and this puts me in a bit of an ethical dilemma. But don't lose heart! I am standing strong. Though I haven't drunk water outside of the caf in 10 days, am starting to hallucinate, and am waking up every morning to a level of parchedness that greatly hinders my ability to speak, I will not back down! I just think to myself in moments of hydration-induced weakness, "what would David Owens do?" and I then channel the perseverance I need to press on. And in times when I think it would be much more convenient to discard an old essay in the nearest receptacle, I just imagine that a tiny version of you is on my right shoulder and a mini(-er) Terese Cox is on my left. Then, the distance to that recycling bin seems irrelevant as concern for my personal comfort fades away in light of the bigger environmental picture. I would also like to thank you for allowing me to wear that super cute "Ouachita Recycles" tee from the bookstore without feeling like a poser. I will be sending you a copy of my Greenpeace membership card soon for you to hang on your wall as a symbol of my gratitude.
**Today's post is dedicated to Hayley Nolan.
You are a man of mystery. I have never seen you, but I know you exist. I see evidence of your presence at Ouachita in the blue bag currently residing on my dorm room floor and in the monthly all student emails you send me, reminding me to turn off my printer at night. I especially appreciated it when you came clean last year about not turning off your own office printer at night. Your confidence to confess your earth-unfriendly behavior to all of OBU was really inspiring to me. Not only do you inspire me, but you have become like my very own Jiminy Cricket for recycling. Before you electronically entered my life, I walked the non-narrow path filled with Styrofoam cups and paper napkins. I would even throw away extraneous mass mail into the (gasp!) trash can. I know, I know. It was a dark time in my life. But now, thanks to you, I have seen the Ozone-unprotected light! Hi, my name is Jessica Schleiff, and I have been earth-hating-behavior free for 11 months and 10 days now. I started my go-green conversion with baby steps--going "light green" as John Mayer would say. First came the minor life-change of throwing my water bottles into the plastics bin. Then, gradually I realized that if I truly cared about being a good steward of God's creation, I would not be drinking out of water bottles at all! For the love! How could I be so blind? I'll have you know that I can count the number of water bottles I have used since that day of epiphany on one hand--and those I only accepted out of politeness to the well-intentioned but misguided friends who purchased them for me.
Unfortunately, Walmart is currently out of Camelbaks, though, and this puts me in a bit of an ethical dilemma. But don't lose heart! I am standing strong. Though I haven't drunk water outside of the caf in 10 days, am starting to hallucinate, and am waking up every morning to a level of parchedness that greatly hinders my ability to speak, I will not back down! I just think to myself in moments of hydration-induced weakness, "what would David Owens do?" and I then channel the perseverance I need to press on. And in times when I think it would be much more convenient to discard an old essay in the nearest receptacle, I just imagine that a tiny version of you is on my right shoulder and a mini(-er) Terese Cox is on my left. Then, the distance to that recycling bin seems irrelevant as concern for my personal comfort fades away in light of the bigger environmental picture. I would also like to thank you for allowing me to wear that super cute "Ouachita Recycles" tee from the bookstore without feeling like a poser. I will be sending you a copy of my Greenpeace membership card soon for you to hang on your wall as a symbol of my gratitude.
**Today's post is dedicated to Hayley Nolan.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
#15: exclusive lingo
"Ooo-kay, friend, I SEE you wearing that V-Neck and Chacos. You are rockin' that, girl. Hey, what are you doing now? Want to head over to Chic and grab lunch before Extra-Jesus? Yeah, seriously, the Caf line is ridiculous! When will all the freshies get a life and stop eating on campus every meal? Ah, snap, can you swipe for me? I totally left my Vera Bradley wallet with everything of importance in my life strapped to it back at FC. I will totally make it up to you, no worries. Maybe I'll take you out to the Sizz, Sunday afternoon. Just joshin' you, who eats at The Sizz!?
Ooo-kay awesome ID card picture! I see you looking all cute for Early Registration. I am totes jel of you right now; you just don't even know. My ID card pic is the most embarrassing. Yeah, for real, de-tag that. By the way, what are you doing tonight? I am pretty sure all the friends are going over to Dino's for Karaoke at 7:00. You down? Yeah, get excited, it's going to be epic. Hey, we have some time to kill; maybe we should take our Chic up to the Bridge. Do you know what is the most fun? CDA's. Maybe we should do one of those after Dino's tonight. You bring your I-Home, and I'll bring my trumpet. Do you have much homework this weekend? Yeah, I have do to some exegeting, as well. I'm tellin' you, that class is some serious thornage in my flesh. Thankfully, I will never have to exegete again after this semester, Praise the Lamb. PTL, girl. PTL.
Hey, did you hear the one about the Calvinist, the Dispensationalist, and the Priest?...
**Today's SOL is dedicated to the most influential instigators and propagators of verbal trends on campus--Nate Wade, Allison Grigsby, and all of Tri Chi. Thanks for all you linguistically do for us, guys.
Ooo-kay awesome ID card picture! I see you looking all cute for Early Registration. I am totes jel of you right now; you just don't even know. My ID card pic is the most embarrassing. Yeah, for real, de-tag that. By the way, what are you doing tonight? I am pretty sure all the friends are going over to Dino's for Karaoke at 7:00. You down? Yeah, get excited, it's going to be epic. Hey, we have some time to kill; maybe we should take our Chic up to the Bridge. Do you know what is the most fun? CDA's. Maybe we should do one of those after Dino's tonight. You bring your I-Home, and I'll bring my trumpet. Do you have much homework this weekend? Yeah, I have do to some exegeting, as well. I'm tellin' you, that class is some serious thornage in my flesh. Thankfully, I will never have to exegete again after this semester, Praise the Lamb. PTL, girl. PTL.
Hey, did you hear the one about the Calvinist, the Dispensationalist, and the Priest?...
**Today's SOL is dedicated to the most influential instigators and propagators of verbal trends on campus--Nate Wade, Allison Grigsby, and all of Tri Chi. Thanks for all you linguistically do for us, guys.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
#14: quality time
Though I have not taken an official poll, I feel that I can assert with some confidence that at least 95% of Ouachita's students would consider quality time as one of their primary love languages. However, campus design, building-size, and the campus-residence policy often make quality time difficult to achieve on OBU's premises. For example, want to have coffee and a little DMC (deep meaningful conversation) with a friend via an ID-card swipe and no money out of pocket? The obvious location for said QT would be Ouachita's very own quasi-Starbucks in the Commons! Good luck pouring out your heart, though, amidst the other 100 people who are also there enjoying artsy, caffeinated hang-out time. Not only will all 100 of them want to say hi to you, but curse them and their friendliness, they will also want to hear all about your summer. Brace yourself for a lot of "Yeah I just feel like God is teaching me...'Oh hey, so-and-so. Yeah it was great, loved working at camp, so amazing, see ya...a lot about his grace and mer-...'Oh hey, girl, hey! Love your shirt too!..mercy, and it's so nice he has given me a best friend like you to talk about it w-...what it do, man! Yeah so great that we have life science together..." In order to put the quality back in your quality time, consider these options for best sending off that please-don't-approach-and-sit-down-with-us-right-now-we're-trying-to-take-our-relationship-beyond-the-surface-level vibe.
#1: Break Out the Bible:
Nothing says, "this is serious time," like God's word. Leaving your Bible open between you and your friend is sure to keep those superfluous acquaintances a safe, non-interactive distance away.
#2: Pretend You're Praying:
This one may be a bit sketchy in the spiritual department, but when it comes to the school of pragmatism, this method is where it's at. Just like the B-I-B-L-E, praying adds gravity to any conversation and sends out that, "Do not disturb! Intimacy and growth are occurring here" signal.
#3: Rock the Heavy-Hearted Face:
Smiling and laughter scream, "Please come over, and join in the fun!" and consequently, can be totally defeating to the more preferable one-on-one fun you could be having. Instead, take a tip from John Keats, and add a spoonful of melancholy to your cup o' joe. Not only will you look so real right now, but your fraquiendances will most definitely not want to become emotionally involved in the roller coaster that is your life when they see you sporting that furrowed brow. Thus, you will be spared that maybe-not-so-genuine "hey, how are you?"
#4: Sit at the DMC Tables in the Caf:
Though this concept may confuse the socially-slower amongst us, most Ouachitonians are aware that the booths and 2-seater tables in the cafeteria are primarily invitation-only and thus, are reserved for couple-time, quiet-time, study-time, and best friend-time. As long as everyone agrees to continue following these previously unspoken rules, you and your pal should remain uninterrupted.
#5: Hold Hands:
The majority of Ouachitonians (except for, of course, those participating in it) feel incredibly uncomfortable with any hint of PDA--i.e. smiling at each other, sitting within an arm's length next to each other on the lobby couches, walking together on campus, etc. You and your buddy's hand-holding will be like a magical people repellent. However, this method can get awkward quickly if your QT chum in not a member of the opposite sex. In such situations, you can choose to adjust the length of hand-holding time proportionally to your level of gender security. It is also important to discuss the big question of to digitate or not to digitate with your friend before attempting method #5. Alternatively, just stick to methods 1 through 4.
#1: Break Out the Bible:
Nothing says, "this is serious time," like God's word. Leaving your Bible open between you and your friend is sure to keep those superfluous acquaintances a safe, non-interactive distance away.
#2: Pretend You're Praying:
This one may be a bit sketchy in the spiritual department, but when it comes to the school of pragmatism, this method is where it's at. Just like the B-I-B-L-E, praying adds gravity to any conversation and sends out that, "Do not disturb! Intimacy and growth are occurring here" signal.
#3: Rock the Heavy-Hearted Face:
Smiling and laughter scream, "Please come over, and join in the fun!" and consequently, can be totally defeating to the more preferable one-on-one fun you could be having. Instead, take a tip from John Keats, and add a spoonful of melancholy to your cup o' joe. Not only will you look so real right now, but your fraquiendances will most definitely not want to become emotionally involved in the roller coaster that is your life when they see you sporting that furrowed brow. Thus, you will be spared that maybe-not-so-genuine "hey, how are you?"
#4: Sit at the DMC Tables in the Caf:
Though this concept may confuse the socially-slower amongst us, most Ouachitonians are aware that the booths and 2-seater tables in the cafeteria are primarily invitation-only and thus, are reserved for couple-time, quiet-time, study-time, and best friend-time. As long as everyone agrees to continue following these previously unspoken rules, you and your pal should remain uninterrupted.
#5: Hold Hands:
The majority of Ouachitonians (except for, of course, those participating in it) feel incredibly uncomfortable with any hint of PDA--i.e. smiling at each other, sitting within an arm's length next to each other on the lobby couches, walking together on campus, etc. You and your buddy's hand-holding will be like a magical people repellent. However, this method can get awkward quickly if your QT chum in not a member of the opposite sex. In such situations, you can choose to adjust the length of hand-holding time proportionally to your level of gender security. It is also important to discuss the big question of to digitate or not to digitate with your friend before attempting method #5. Alternatively, just stick to methods 1 through 4.
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